Wonder Woman’s Mom Bun

I am playing with my daughter. She wants to us to be Super Heroes. She asks me what my super powers are. I thought about it and came up with a few.

1. The best hugger/cuddler ever. I must be because I always have people crawling on me, laying next to me, or sleeping on top of me.

2. Boo-Boo fixer extraordinaire. Did you stub your toe? Hit your head? Fall? Get stung by a bee? I got this. A kiss, a hug (see I am a great hugger), ice, band-aids, and chill on the couch.

3. Multi-tasker. I can make 4 lunches, call a doctor, tell my son where his shoes are, let my husband know where his glasses are, and wipe up spilled juice all at the same time.

4. Chauffeur. This isn’t one of my coolest super powers. It is one that I am very good at though, due to much practice. Take husband to train, kids to school, kids to practices, games, appointments, and whatever else pops up on the calendar. I can load and unload kids like it ain’t no thang.

5. Ability to listen to a long story and not die. Ok this one is a big one. Like the story about that one time at recess when he and his friend we talking about monsters, and his friend has a monster under his bed, his bed has Superman sheets but he doesn’t like Superman as much as Batman, and why does everyone like Marvel, that Avengers movie was pretty good, but Minions was funnier, oh, and did he forget to mention about his friend at recess who has monsters under bed? If you don’t die of boredom you are a superhero.

6. Finder of Treasure (and things that your kids think are treasures). Kids can’t find stuff. There is some sort of eye shield or block that prevents them from seeing the shoe, the jacket, the toy, or the toothbrush right in front of them. They looked everywhere, they have been looking for 15 minutes, they are in total melt down mode because it is gone, and in strolls Mom who lifts up a blanket and BOOM! There it is!

7. Laundress. I have the power to ignore laundry for days. Piles of clothes all over the house. Laundry in the washer, laundry in the dryer, laundry folded and on the table. I also have the power to wash 7 loads of laundry in one day. Do with that power what you will, but I have it.

8. Dirty Diaper Dynamo. I can change a dirty diaper anywhere with almost anything. I can change it in no time flat. Time me. I have done it in public, on the grass, a carport, a port-a-potty, the side of the road, and a grocery store parking lot to name a few. I have used diapers, shirts, paper towels, maxi pads, and underwear to clean up and/or cover a baby’s butt. It takes a special kind of mom to be a Diaper Dynamo.

9. Human Lie-Detector. Try to get something pass me. Go ahead child of mine- I dare you. Your verbal ticks, odd facial expressions, changing the subject, loud yelling of not me/I didn’t do it are all cues that you are hiding something from me. Won’t make eye contact, change in daily habits or actions– I got you. It won’t be long before I will have the truth. Watch out.

10. Speedster. When it comes to grabbing a child before they fall or run into the street. The ability to grab a cup or plate before it falls and makes a huge mess everywhere. Grabbing a toy that has been launched across the room before it hits someone.

11. Super Strength. OK I haven’t personally lifted a car off anyone or anything, but I hear it happens. I do know that I have had a bad strapped to my chest, a toddler on one hip, and a crap ton of stuff in my other free hand on a fairly regular basis. I want to see you mere mortals do that. This is some super hero mom level stuff right there.

Since I was playing with my daughter though, I wasn’t sure if she would recognize all these amazing super powers just yet, so I grabbed her Wonder Woman doll, threw her hair up in a mom bun and said I’ve got this- Let’s play!

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WE WENT ON A WALK

We went on a walk. A walk around the pond. A walk that is just shy of a mile. Who knew that this simple walk would open up a world of discovery? Also, who knew this walk would take over an hour? Surely not me.

IMG_7828.jpgWe started by finding an old tree stump, and what good is an old tree stump? Why, it is a stage for funny faces. It is clear as day, and how I could have ever seen it any other way is beyond me.

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Sadly, we learned that things live and they die. Even cute furry woodland creatures. We also surmised that it wasn’t unlikely that our inside/outside hunter cat could have very well been the attacker.

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We stopped at the playground, swung on the swing, went down the slide, but in the end the best thing to do was run and hide.

IMG_7840.jpgWhen it was time to go and continue on our way the thing to do was watch other people play.

IMG_7843.jpgEven though we saw death we saw where life starts too. A nest in a tree glory be who knew a walk could be so fun.

IMG_7847.jpgRocks and cement blocks leading up to a school what good are those unless you know how to pose!

IMG_7851.jpgWe almost missed this guy, he was hard to see, but we had luck on our side that day and we found the duck.

IMG_7856.jpgSometimes the road is long and the journey takes longer than we expected. There is no shame in sitting down and taking a rest before you get up and start again.

IMG_7873.jpgWe were almost done, tears were on the way, and the only thing we could thing of to do was to stop and play.IMG_7864.jpgThen sit for a moment and take in the view. To pause and say thank you. Thank you for this life we lead, thanks for the rocks and trees, thank you for ponds and family, and thanks for this little rest.

IMG_7877.jpgThen one last thing before we were on our way- rocks in water what more is there to say.

Back to School- hurry please!

Ok ya’ll, are you ready for back to school? I am! I for real am. I crave the structure that the school year brings. I need things written in my calendar- soccer practices, religious ed, and school events. This free for all of kids wanting, needing, demanding, and craving electronics all the time is driving me bonkers. I know I can’t be the only one. We have a system where they are just given 1 hour. After that they have to work for it. They have to play outside, ride bikes, or read books. It is a minute for minute kind of deal. So sure, there is a lot of baseball, bike riding, playing at the nearby playground, but there always seems to be more begging for, asking for, fighting over electronic devices. I now hate all electronic devices. They are the devil. Sometimes I will tell them to just watch a movie but the arguing that goes on over is it too baby, is it something we have seen before,  or is it too scary is enough to make me want to smack my head into the wall. So yes, I long for, desire, cannot wait for the first day of school. I will have 3 in elementary school. This is great, amazing, wonderful. All day 5 days a week. No I will not cry when I drop my child off. No I will not wonder where the time went. I will instead celebrate by having a glass of wine and watching tv all day or something. My daughter will be in preschool 2 days a week. This means that 2 days a week I will have only 1 child in my house. Just 1. For me, this is amazing. I can go out for coffee or brunch with friends. I can go grocery shopping or Costco shopping with ease. There will be a nap time when no one is here and it is just me. I could, if I wanted dance around naked. I won’t but I could. I get to exercise again. Over the summer this has been almost impossible. I can’t figure out which kids to take and which to leave home because my kids are at that in between age where it is hard to cover all 5. 10 is too old for the gym daycare, but can I leave him alone for an hour? Sure, I think so, but then the 7 yr. old gets mad. So in the end, I stay home and gain 5 lbs. We have neighbors. It took until the end of summer for my kids to realize we had neighbors. Now they run back and forth between the two houses. I love this. It feels so idyllic. It is one of the things that makes me love this small town feeling we have going on here. I am sad to give it up. However, I am not sad to send my kids to school. For the first few weeks of school I will be fine with school and then the back and forth between houses. What I am worried about is how in the world do I play with my 2-yr-old still at home? I believe I have forgotten how to interact one-on-one with tiny kids. They have each other to play with, to fight with, to tackle, tickle, and ignore. Now, 2 days a week, it will just be me and him. Hmm….  Is it bad if I just encourage alone, imaginative play during this time? It has been years and years since I have had just one kid in my house. It will feel so weird. It will be wonderful. It will be scary. It will be lonely and freeing. It will be so many things. I am ready though. It is time for the kids to go to school. We’ve had our fun and now it is done. Let’s go school!!!!View More: http://jenniemariephotography.pass.us/weigel

I lost my cool

I got to spend the weekend without kids and hanging out with the hubs. Let me say-it was wonderful. The summer hasn’t been super stressful, but I was (ok still am) tired of all the whining and crying and fighting, so this was perfect timing. We went to Kentucky, a music festival in Louisville, and I realize this was probably an odd choice for thirty somethings, but once the decision was made we began to get excited.

Armed with nothing we walked from the hotel to the waterfront. I had gone to the bathroom before leaving the hotel and the walk was only about 5 blocks, but oh I really needed to go again. I am an anxious pee-er, this on top of having kids, means that moment we entered the festival I had to go straight to the porta potties. Don’t you love it? Once this urgent situation was taken care of I could finally absorb my surroundings. I immediately noticed one thing. My outfit of shorts and a tank top was totally frumpy. If the hairy chin and upper lip I noticed for the first time ever weren’t dead giveaway I was helping to shift the mean age, well my clothes were. The shorts were so short ass was hanging out, in contradiction to this, the waists were so high I began to wonder if 18-yr-olds no longer had belly buttons. The shirts were all cropped so that all the skin showing was the small bit from under your boob to about an inch above your naval. I don’t wear long ‘mom shorts’ I feel mine are fairly short, but here I was so dated. I left my boob glitter at home and when I saw a sign from some punk kid that asked girls to show him their glitter boobs for a dollar it took my husband telling me to just walk away so that I didn’t go up to him and explain sexism, misogyny, and feminism. I still regret I didn’t, I don’t care how drunk that idiot was, he needed to know girls with glitter boobs don’t owe him a thing. Speaking of boobs, the boob sweat game was fierce, the music was so loud my husband said we should have taken those ear plugs from his mother, and our arm band stating we were over 21 seemed to make us even older.

Music though is ageless so armed with our frumpy clothes and beer we went to listen to Wacka Flocka Flame. Squeezed in tight, the aroma of pot everywhere, watching a man in a tight sparkly speedo weave in and out of the horde, we awaited our first act. We were soon met with mosh pitting skinny white dudes. Luckily they were skinny and my husband works out because kept me quite safe. They may have been tiny white guys, but 30s or not I am a petite person who could have been knocked to the floor many times over if not for my husband’s arms creating a barrier. The music was good, the sun scorching, and after a couple hours I realized I made a vital mistake-I wore gold colored flip-flops that had no support at all. They were also the only shoes I brought. My back hurt so so bad. It was killing me, I needed some type of orthotic support. Screw my cute pedicure I needed arch support!!

We didn’t just hang out at the waterfront, we spent our mornings meeting up with old friends. It makes my heart warm, I miss Kentucky even more, and I am thrilled that friendships can endure years of separation. I also learned that conversations about alcohol have switched from what stupid crap you did while wasted to what is the best way to cut down on your glycemic index while drinking, and how the switch to wine so that beer gut isn’t hanging out makes the  most sense. Also, if you want to indulge you really need to watch the desserts because desserts and beer is just too much. If you wanted to veer from the topic of alcohol other topics of conversation include: marriage, divorce, children, illness, and home ownership.

The whole weekend I was hyper aware of my age. I am sure no one else noticed or cared in the least, but I couldn’t help but notice that while in my mind I am the same college girl who went to school in Louisville, I had in fact gotten older and not even really noticed. At all the concerts the people surrounding me, for the most part, were closer in age to my 10-yr-old. I longed for shade and bottles of water, and really did I mention my back hurt so bad. I enjoyed the music, to be free from children, to dance with my husband, and enjoy the feeling of being back where we fell in love was priceless. Then to experience Weezer was worth it all. 15 years ago many I knew went to a Weezer concert, I didn’t get to go, and ever since I have been eager to make up for it. So on the final night, as the final act, Weezer graced the stage and, for once the people surrounding me were my age. We sang along to all the songs and in that moment felt ageless. That my friends is the power of music. It was so worth it. Even if my back still hasn’t fully recovered.

 

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Childhood Lives Here

I was outside looking at overturned bikes, toys, and abandoned baseball mitts when I thought to myself it will be sad when childhood no longer lives here. However, as it currently invades every aspect of my life (joyfully so) I decided to put it to paper (or internet) and remember what it is like now when childhood does live here.

*originally up on my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/lifegonecrazy05/

childhood lives here.

runny noses
sticky fingers
wet kisses
childhood lives here

I’m bigger than you
better than you
faster than you
childhood lives here

holding hands
wiping tears
fixing fears
childhood lives here

sleepless nights
early mornings
coffee by the pot
childhood lives here

legos
barbies
matchbox cars
childhood lives here

santa claus
easter bunny
tooth fairy
childhood lives here

did you know
why is it so
are we there yet
childhood lives here

moving too fast
moving too slow
never just right
childhood lives here

I’ll love you
I’ll hold you
I’ll let you go
childhood lives here

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Come On In

 

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A couple days ago my 10-yr-old and 7-yr-old are having this conversation with me about water slides. Our local pool has water slides, and they want to rate them. Which is the best, the fastest, and how would you rank them in order? All this talk of water slides makes the 10-yr-old eager to go back to pool as soon as possible. He really wants to go down the slides with his brother so they can talk about it some more. At my feet, during this conversation, my two toddlers are coloring. My daughter is drawing a picture of her followed by a picture of me. My son is grabbing crayons and moaning about the door being open. He wants it closed. We close the door and he cries. The door open agains and he cries some more. This causes my daughter to start yelling at him to be quiet because she is trying to color.

The thing is, and this is really the thing, I am, at that moment, trying to poop. It is very difficult to do, I am quite frustrated, and I just want to be left alone! If they are in the bathroom and someone comes in it’s the end of the world and someone has to pay. If I accidentally walk in then I am greeted with screams of, “Mom, I am in the bathroom get out!” Even with my newly potty-trained child, she tells me she can’t poop if I watch her. Of course, no one thinks about my bathroom habits and whether or not having multiple conversations and crying children on top of me makes it difficult for me to finish the job.

Why is it kids feel the need to converse with their moms when we are trying to use the bathroom? Is it because we are more on their eye level or is it all the vulnerability of seeing us with our pants down? Maybe they don’t want to talk to you, but they do want to be near you. It is at that moment they need water, food, or a 3rd lunch. There is banging on the door, opening the door, running in and out of the bathroom, and just staring. I asked my daughter once why she always followed me, and she said it was because she liked to watch. Of course, she followed this up with, “Ew, it stinks in here.” No kidding. 

At this point I am so used to the open door policy of going to the bathroom I forget to close the door when I am out in public. There are times when I realize the door is open, and for second, I think, “Oh, it doesn’t even matter.” At home I don’t even try to close it anymore. What’s the point? They’ll find me. They always do, and it will stink.