In my life I have never been the type of person to have a large group of friends, a handful at most. Not only that, to this day, my dearest friends from each stage of life are still my most beloved. They have all been a gift, a blessing, my support system for every trial and tribulation. It takes me a while to be real with people. My trust is not easily earned. This may be a fault, I see it as protection, but once we’ve crossed the line from,“I am fine. How are you?”to “Cut the crap what happened?”, well I guess that makes us life long friends.
In looking back it seems that the universe/God must have known my journey would not always be easy. My heart would break over many things: parents, family, boys, children, purpose in life, and religion. It is because God saw fit to place personal angels in my life that I can remember a McDonalds sausage biscuit and coke at my mom’s visitation, a birthday cake with smiling faces and song in my dorm room when I was sure no one would be around to say Happy Birthday, it was cautious visits and gifts that only your best friends could bring after I lost my first baby, it was playdates and walks to just vent about motherhood that saved my sanity, and a girl’s trip to the city when I thought I would lose my mind if I didn’t get out of the house. It has been friendship, at these junctures, that was the guiding light.
This evening on my porch was a box. I grabbed it, put it on the counter and went about my business of making food, straightening up, and getting juice for everyone. I saw it sitting there, and thought about sticking it in the closet until tomorrow. We had a long day, there were a few things floating in my head I hadn’t really processed yet, plus I wasn’t expecting anything, so surely it could wait. Just as I was about to put the youngest two children to bed I grabbed it and brought it with me into my bedroom. Let me say, the thing about friends is that sometimes they know what you need even when you don’t. Inside the box was an ornament with a picture of me (as a baby ) and my mom. The back had a quote. It was one of those moments when you sort of pause and think-What did I ever do deserve so much love?
I am glad I opened the box tonight, I appreciate that all of my friends are more outgoing than I am and have pushed their way into my life, and I am honored to call the women who have held and continue to hold my hand-Friend.