Mmm, I would love… to find a bathroom. Right. Now.

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Ages ago I got tickets see Taylor Swift. Yes, I am in my mid 30s, yes I still sing along, dance around and feel like I am 22 when I play her music. No, my 11 year-old-son didn’t want to go and pretend he was actually an 11 year-old fangirl. So, I enlisted my husband to be my date. He enjoys the occasional song and appreciates her ability to write lyrics and put on a good show, so he was willing to be slightly ribbed by friends to attend the show.

My husband travels for work. Over the last 5 months he has spent most of his time in Norway. This means time with him is precious. We have put more of a focus on us when he is home. We do more date nights and try to make sure our marriage is still a priority. I am blessed with friends who also see the value in this and are willing to go above and beyond the call of normal friendship to help us have this time together. In the instance of the Taylor Swift concert my friend offered to spend the night in my house with my kids so the hubby and I could get a hotel room for the night. 

We get a nice hotel in the Magnificent Mile, we enjoy speciality cocktails in the hotel bar, and walk around the streets of Chicago past Tiffanys, Zara, Rolex, Coach, and Burberry. We head to dinner at a nice cozy Italian restaurant. We share a bottle of wine and head to the concert. It is the perfect night for whispering sweet nothings and flirting. It is a wonderful evening for love and reminiscing.

You might think that the conversation was delightful, I am sure parts of it were very engaging, but the part I remember the most was the conversation about mesh supports, vaginal slings, and urinary incontinence. Having been married almost 13 years and having had 5 kids, there isn’t much we don’t talk about freely. The inability to hold my urine is definitely not off the table, even on romantic evenings. We could have had any type of conversation we wanted, there would be no interruptions from kids. Instead I take this childfree moment to lean over and say, “ I hear there is a surgery where they can sort of hold your bladder up with some type of mesh thing or sling and you don’t pee on yourself all the time. I really want that surgery. I hate that even thinking about exercising, jumping, laughing, or sneezing makes to worried about urinating all over myself.” To which he agrees that sounds pretty good. There are times when the lovely aroma of urine follows me around. Not so great for spicing things up in your marriage. Darling you look beautiful and smell of body waste. There are days when I wear pantyliners because I know the chances of incontinence are high because having 5 kids does a number on your pelvic floor-no joke. Kegels don’t help. Although I don’t do them every second of the day, so maybe that is the problem.

So on this perfect date with the perfect man, instead of whispering sweet nothings in his ear, I loudly state for everyone to hear, I need a vaginal sling! To not smell like urine would be a wonderful thing. To jump and laugh and sneeze without pee, oh, what joy that would bring. Please darling, I really need a vaginal sling!

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