Saturday Selfie

 

I woke up at 6:30am. The alarm didn’t go off, it wasn’t set, it was a Saturday. I didn’t get to hit snooze or roll back over and pull up the covers, I had to get up. I had to make sure the puppy got out before he peed all over the floor. I had to feed the youngest kids who are now on this school time schedule of waking at 6:30am. I had to make sure that by 7am everyone else was awake because we started travel soccer today, and we had to travel for an early morning game. Once the kids were all fed I walked the puppy. He was going to be in his crate, so I needed to make sure we got some of his crazy intense puppy energy out. I am not really sure the walk helped, but at least I felt better. Then it was time for yelling. You know basic mom stuff— Brush your teeth!!!! Find your shoes!! Where is your water bottle? I don’t care what you want you have to come to the game! Get in the car now!!! Where are your shoes? Why didn’t you look for them earlier when I first mentioned it?!

We managed to get loaded into the car. We got to the game. It was cold, windy, overcast, and not very exciting honestly. It wasn’t our only game and it isn’t our only kid in travel soccer, so we drove to another game for much of the same. I don’t hate it. I enjoy it. I like watching them play. I get antsy about how they will do, I get upset when they aren’t playing well, I get nervous when they are losing, and I love cheering them on and supporting their passion. I am your basic soccer mom. I should probably get a sweatshirt or something that says-Soccer Mom.

By the time we get home the youngest is asleep in the car, everyone else is itching for electronics, and I figure 2pm is decent beer drinking time. It dawns on me that I haven’t really showered in a couple days, so I decide this is a good time to wash my hair. Once out of the shower I just put on some comfy clothes and throw the hair in a messy bun thing. We aren’t going anywhere. I don’t need to be fancy. A little bit later my husband walks into our living room and says,”Boys come here! I need you to look at your mother.” I am just sitting on the couch. I have no makeup on, no bra on, my messy bun is full of wet hair, and I just have on a baggy t-shirt. He continues with, “ You know how you are handsome? Well, thank your mother for that because you get all of your good looks from her.” The kids just look at me and walk away. They are not even remotely interested.

I can’t help but be wide variety of embarrassed, joyful, and skeptical. I promise you I have not been taking care of myself like I used to in the exercise and diet arena. I don’t have on my eyeliner or concealer. My hair is wet and piled on top of my head. What was it in that moment that caught my husband’s eye? What was I doing, besides sitting on the couch, that made him share these feelings to our kids?

We have been a couple for 15 years. We have been pregnant 6 times and have 5 kids. We have gone through highs and lows. We have had moments of intense passion and desire and moments where it was icy and I wasn’t sure anything would melt that ice. We’ve been poor, like raising a large family on a graduate assistant’s salary poor, and not so poor. We’ve laughed, cried, yelled, smiled, and experienced life and death together. Basically, we have lived life together. We took those vows and made them our reality. Who knew part of that reality would involve my husband looking at me on the couch, no filter, no make-up, and think of me as gorgeous? I don’t see myself that way. I see the flaws, the wrinkles, the lines, the fat, the plain, and the list goes on, but he sees all of me, he sees my beauty, he sees my soul, and he loves me. I love him for it.

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing, car and outdoor
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