I lost my cool

I got to spend the weekend without kids and hanging out with the hubs. Let me say-it was wonderful. The summer hasn’t been super stressful, but I was (ok still am) tired of all the whining and crying and fighting, so this was perfect timing. We went to Kentucky, a music festival in Louisville, and I realize this was probably an odd choice for thirty somethings, but once the decision was made we began to get excited.

Armed with nothing we walked from the hotel to the waterfront. I had gone to the bathroom before leaving the hotel and the walk was only about 5 blocks, but oh I really needed to go again. I am an anxious pee-er, this on top of having kids, means that moment we entered the festival I had to go straight to the porta potties. Don’t you love it? Once this urgent situation was taken care of I could finally absorb my surroundings. I immediately noticed one thing. My outfit of shorts and a tank top was totally frumpy. If the hairy chin and upper lip I noticed for the first time ever weren’t dead giveaway I was helping to shift the mean age, well my clothes were. The shorts were so short ass was hanging out, in contradiction to this, the waists were so high I began to wonder if 18-yr-olds no longer had belly buttons. The shirts were all cropped so that all the skin showing was the small bit from under your boob to about an inch above your naval. I don’t wear long ‘mom shorts’ I feel mine are fairly short, but here I was so dated. I left my boob glitter at home and when I saw a sign from some punk kid that asked girls to show him their glitter boobs for a dollar it took my husband telling me to just walk away so that I didn’t go up to him and explain sexism, misogyny, and feminism. I still regret I didn’t, I don’t care how drunk that idiot was, he needed to know girls with glitter boobs don’t owe him a thing. Speaking of boobs, the boob sweat game was fierce, the music was so loud my husband said we should have taken those ear plugs from his mother, and our arm band stating we were over 21 seemed to make us even older.

Music though is ageless so armed with our frumpy clothes and beer we went to listen to Wacka Flocka Flame. Squeezed in tight, the aroma of pot everywhere, watching a man in a tight sparkly speedo weave in and out of the horde, we awaited our first act. We were soon met with mosh pitting skinny white dudes. Luckily they were skinny and my husband works out because kept me quite safe. They may have been tiny white guys, but 30s or not I am a petite person who could have been knocked to the floor many times over if not for my husband’s arms creating a barrier. The music was good, the sun scorching, and after a couple hours I realized I made a vital mistake-I wore gold colored flip-flops that had no support at all. They were also the only shoes I brought. My back hurt so so bad. It was killing me, I needed some type of orthotic support. Screw my cute pedicure I needed arch support!!

We didn’t just hang out at the waterfront, we spent our mornings meeting up with old friends. It makes my heart warm, I miss Kentucky even more, and I am thrilled that friendships can endure years of separation. I also learned that conversations about alcohol have switched from what stupid crap you did while wasted to what is the best way to cut down on your glycemic index while drinking, and how the switch to wine so that beer gut isn’t hanging out makes the  most sense. Also, if you want to indulge you really need to watch the desserts because desserts and beer is just too much. If you wanted to veer from the topic of alcohol other topics of conversation include: marriage, divorce, children, illness, and home ownership.

The whole weekend I was hyper aware of my age. I am sure no one else noticed or cared in the least, but I couldn’t help but notice that while in my mind I am the same college girl who went to school in Louisville, I had in fact gotten older and not even really noticed. At all the concerts the people surrounding me, for the most part, were closer in age to my 10-yr-old. I longed for shade and bottles of water, and really did I mention my back hurt so bad. I enjoyed the music, to be free from children, to dance with my husband, and enjoy the feeling of being back where we fell in love was priceless. Then to experience Weezer was worth it all. 15 years ago many I knew went to a Weezer concert, I didn’t get to go, and ever since I have been eager to make up for it. So on the final night, as the final act, Weezer graced the stage and, for once the people surrounding me were my age. We sang along to all the songs and in that moment felt ageless. That my friends is the power of music. It was so worth it. Even if my back still hasn’t fully recovered.

 

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Childhood Lives Here

I was outside looking at overturned bikes, toys, and abandoned baseball mitts when I thought to myself it will be sad when childhood no longer lives here. However, as it currently invades every aspect of my life (joyfully so) I decided to put it to paper (or internet) and remember what it is like now when childhood does live here.

*originally up on my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/lifegonecrazy05/

childhood lives here.

runny noses
sticky fingers
wet kisses
childhood lives here

I’m bigger than you
better than you
faster than you
childhood lives here

holding hands
wiping tears
fixing fears
childhood lives here

sleepless nights
early mornings
coffee by the pot
childhood lives here

legos
barbies
matchbox cars
childhood lives here

santa claus
easter bunny
tooth fairy
childhood lives here

did you know
why is it so
are we there yet
childhood lives here

moving too fast
moving too slow
never just right
childhood lives here

I’ll love you
I’ll hold you
I’ll let you go
childhood lives here

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Come On In

 

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A couple days ago my 10-yr-old and 7-yr-old are having this conversation with me about water slides. Our local pool has water slides, and they want to rate them. Which is the best, the fastest, and how would you rank them in order? All this talk of water slides makes the 10-yr-old eager to go back to pool as soon as possible. He really wants to go down the slides with his brother so they can talk about it some more. At my feet, during this conversation, my two toddlers are coloring. My daughter is drawing a picture of her followed by a picture of me. My son is grabbing crayons and moaning about the door being open. He wants it closed. We close the door and he cries. The door open agains and he cries some more. This causes my daughter to start yelling at him to be quiet because she is trying to color.

The thing is, and this is really the thing, I am, at that moment, trying to poop. It is very difficult to do, I am quite frustrated, and I just want to be left alone! If they are in the bathroom and someone comes in it’s the end of the world and someone has to pay. If I accidentally walk in then I am greeted with screams of, “Mom, I am in the bathroom get out!” Even with my newly potty-trained child, she tells me she can’t poop if I watch her. Of course, no one thinks about my bathroom habits and whether or not having multiple conversations and crying children on top of me makes it difficult for me to finish the job.

Why is it kids feel the need to converse with their moms when we are trying to use the bathroom? Is it because we are more on their eye level or is it all the vulnerability of seeing us with our pants down? Maybe they don’t want to talk to you, but they do want to be near you. It is at that moment they need water, food, or a 3rd lunch. There is banging on the door, opening the door, running in and out of the bathroom, and just staring. I asked my daughter once why she always followed me, and she said it was because she liked to watch. Of course, she followed this up with, “Ew, it stinks in here.” No kidding. 

At this point I am so used to the open door policy of going to the bathroom I forget to close the door when I am out in public. There are times when I realize the door is open, and for second, I think, “Oh, it doesn’t even matter.” At home I don’t even try to close it anymore. What’s the point? They’ll find me. They always do, and it will stink.

Father’s Day Questionnaire

In honor of Father’s Day I have decided to ask all the kids, maybe not Robert, 10 questions about their dad. Today I am sharing Meg’s answers, she is 3-yrs-old.

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How old is Dad?    2

Dad always says?  That’s Good

Dad laughs when?  We say poopy

What is Dad’s favorite tv show?  Daddy shows

What is Dad’s favorite food?  Chicken Wings

Favorite thing to do with Dad?  Go on dates to ice cream place

What is Dad the best at? Putting Air Conditioner In

What makes Dad angry?  Mommy

What is Dad’s job?  Working out

Why do you love Dad?  I just do

 

How Do You Summer?

Yesterday was our second day of summer. I think it is going to be a long couple of months. I took the kids and signed them up for the library summer reading program. This is something we do every summer and we love it! We have lived in two different states and have always made sure this is on our summer to-do list.

IMG_6010My 7-yr-old was all set to load up on Captain Underpants books, but they were all checked out!!! All of them!! Last time we were there I saw a whole shelf full, but this time out. I guess because of the movie? Not sure. We will have to put some on hold. After a bit of pouting he went with the Big Nate books. I love watching their reading tastes develop. My 10-yr-old is all about sci-fi and adventures, but 7-yr-old is loving books that have pictures which are either in comic form or funny images from the main character’s diaries. Just when I have a list of books for boys a different kid comes along, and I have to start all over.

My 5-yr-old and 3-yr-old just completed 1,000 Books Before Kindergarten. So they got a book, a medal, and their picture taken. I tried to take their picture too, but they were quite done.

IMG_6013My 5-yr-old was just ready to check out an iPad and play games. I love that we pack up the car, head to the library, and the first thing my 5-yr-old does is demand an iPad. I told him he had to go pick out books first, since that is why we came. He likes the We Found a Hat book and the others like it. Once he finds them he speeds off to get that iPad. Once he does then his brother’s do too. So much for trying to get away from screens. I fail miserably, but better than yelling at them in the middle of the library for being idiots while I let the 2 and 3-yr-old play in the kid’s corner.

IMG_6014After this we head out to the car. Of course, the first thing they ask is if they can do electronics when we get home. Um–No!!!! When I explain they just did electronics at the library they began to tell me how that doesn’t count. Wrong. I am the Mom so I get to decide what counts as screen time and I say using an iPad counts as screen time as it has a screen and they used it!! To avoid anymore conversation on the topic I turn the car around and head to the playground. The older boys get their soccer ball and head off toward the soccer fields and the younger two head off to the swings. Yes. I have won. I have succeeded. To prove it I took this picture of outside fun.

IMG_6017Well, my success was short lived because within minutes there is fighting and yelling and name calling. Maybe if I just walk far enough away it will magically stop, or I just won’t hear it and you know- Out of sight out of mind. Unfortunately, what good is fighting if you don’t have an audience? They follow me to tattle. I tell them, very nicely, that I don’t really care and they need to walk far away from me to figure it out. I suppose they do to some extent, at least they don’t tattle anymore.

Next stop ice cream. I know this makes perfect sense load up crazy kids with sugar, but really sometimes the only way to get them to stop being crazy is in the moments when they are loading up on that sugar– hmmm… it is a quandary.  As I missed my Strong By Zumba this week and had cookies for breakfast I figured why not just go all in and have some frozen ice cream coffee drink for lunch. Seems like a win win.

IMG_6025IMG_6031I figured they would be sort of tired. I hoped some of the younger ones might go to sleep. Turns out– not so much. Great. The rest of the day was just me telling them to stop crying and fighting with one another, and then giving up and saying fine- go play electronics. Mom for the summer win! When does school start?

Story of My Momma Morning

 

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I haven’t had a shower in a couple days, so after getting the older two kids off to school, I decide it is much needed. The younger kids were watching tv so I figured it was the best time. My 2-yr-old heard the water running and started crying at the door. I ignored him, but one of his older siblings must have heard because in a blink of an eye he was in the shower with me. Of course, the moment water hits his face he starts bawling. I lift him out and for a moment he is content, but then he wants back in. Really. All I want to do is shave my legs.

Once out of the shower I want to sit outside and enjoy some of this lovely sun. I pull a chair up to keep an eye on them and attempt to read my book. My reading is disrupted by calls of: Watch this, Look at me Mommy,  and See this. Most of what I am seeing is a child inching ever so slowly down a toddler slide into the baby pool. Any time I lower my gaze I am called upon once again.

I hadn’t seen my 2-yr-old for a couple minutes so I ask the 5-year-old to check on him. I figure he is playing on the patio, but my son comes back to tell me Robert has pulled a chair up to the counter and is searching for the scissors to open the freezer pop he pulled out of the freezer. When I walk in I see he has emptied out half of the utensil container Luckily, I had moved the scissors yesterday. I figured since he has gone through all that work there may as well be popsicles for all. I don’t really care that it is 9am.

Now that they are distracted I can pull my book out again and try to read on the patio. 5 minutes later a naked toddler comes up to me with waffles from the freezer. Who thought a freezer on the lower half of the refrigerator was a good idea? Sure whatever- 9:30am sounds like a good time for second lunch. Waffles for everyone.

I decide that this is as good a time as any to make those brownies I promised to make yesterday. Once they are in the oven I try to read on patio again. This time my 5-yr-old brings out Battleship saying, “Remember you promised me last night that we could Battleship this morning?” I think to myself: I figured you would forget. I say, “I remember. Go set it up, and I will be right in.” At least I get brownies later.

I played a real nail biter of a game of Battleship. As we are putting it away in walks my toddler covered in blue toothpaste. Nice. Upstairs I go to clean it up and him as well. Kids are so much work. It is always something. They should really warn you.

Figure it is time to give up on the idea of reading. I need to do dishes. Clearing out the sink and run disposal only to hear a chunk chunk noise. Turns out a tiny plastic cup fell in. How is that possible? Now I have to fish it out. I guess it is lucky that it is now in two pieces.

I tell kids it is time for rest. I put them all upstairs and start the futile task of cleaning and laundry. For 30 minutes I clean, not that you can really tell, and think to myself that cleaning is stupid. Mostly I just transfer the toys from other rooms back to the playroom, which is filthy.  I take clothes on the floor and make an even larger pile of laundry.  Around this time all 3 kids come running down the stairs laughing and playing tag. This may be cute, but it is not resting. I tell the older two they need to clean up the playroom. Who knows maybe they actually will, and I won’t have to do it. I take the toddler and lay down with him in my room. He is screaming and crying but with me in bed next to him he eventually falls asleep. I check the time. It is only noon. For real. Just noon. I make lunch and tell the older two kids, who have cleaned up some of the playroom, that they can just watch tv for awhile because Mommy needs time alone.